Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
