He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
