I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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