bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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