WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Someone shattered a urinal.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
