I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
