i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
