It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
