I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
