wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
