I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize