I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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