Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
