I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
only if we run a train.
done.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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