I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
