I hate your face
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
