Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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