Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
