Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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