You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
