We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
