Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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