Betty ford says i'm here all night
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
