That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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