He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize