i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
