video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
