Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
