he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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