Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
