Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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