I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
