I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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