Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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