I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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