is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
