While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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