So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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