By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
