We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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