Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
