Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
