Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
