I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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