When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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