Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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