I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
