69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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