I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
