So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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