i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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