I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
