im drinking this country out of the recession.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
