man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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