I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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