Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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