I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize