I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
