we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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