There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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