i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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