sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
