oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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