the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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