need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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