(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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