Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
