evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
