You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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