My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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