i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
