We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
