I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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