i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
