She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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