No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
