is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
