I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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