So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
