Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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