In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
