some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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