she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
