I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize