dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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