so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
