thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
