Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
