yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
