did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
