Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
