Don't make out with my wife yet
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
