I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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