careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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