Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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