I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
