"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
