I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
