Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
