when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
