hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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