He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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