So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
